Kerma

I ran away from all the mental torture
leaving behind my heart & emotional attachments
apparently I was neither content here nor there 

I wished I could unmake my silly decisions
to run away, to endure a bit more, to never leave her
but I ran away from all the mental torture

all the tears I shed being here after saying goodbyes
those tears are there no more, just ache in my heart
everytime the thought crosses my mind

was I too desperate to escape for my own sake?
the cost was you, of course, with peace came grief
I ran away from all the mental torture

I miss you still but I would not if I was there for you
I miss you still but I would not if I were not enjoying
here on my birthday party and you being there on the sidewalk